I’ll never forget where I was when I heard the news. I was just casually in my basket deciding if I should gnaw a left over Xmas chew, paint my claws or grab a bit more shut eye, when BOOM. My humans sat me down and told me. I was devastated and spent the rest of the day in my basket listening to his music, with my claw on the paws button, playing the lyrics over and over – especially Golden Ears, which he dedicated to yours truly. Pooches all over the globe were doing the same.
Pets At Home have run out of black collars
David Bow-wow-wow-ie touched us all in his own way. All of us loved him, but what the mere humans don’t know is that lots of his music was dedicated to us – his four legged friends, and not Just Diamond Dogs.
Eg: 
That old fave Hound and Vision
A Lead-in Sane – about a strange walk
Hunky Doggy – about handsome Swanley, a French Bulldog who lives in Islington ❤️
Golden Ears – dedicated to me 😢
Kennel Kennel – (your faeces a mess) about an untrained puppy
The Laughing Bone – about a bone that tells jokes
Finally the classic Space Dogity – about the first dog to set paw on the Moon
In fact if the truth be known David Bowie was actually half human half hound, as this picture proves. 
So I haven’t put paw to keyboard for over a year. I was a moody teenager and went off the track a bit. I’m now barking up the right tree again. I had body issues that I’m dealing with, like the fact that I have 7 nipples, my ears are too big, I’m practically ginger and I have an under-bite . I was really depressed and considered throwing myself off the woof. I thought about a brace or veneers, but then realised that having interesting gnashers didn’t stop Al-sation Carr from getting famous. 
Then I realised that I might not be perfect, but who is? And it’s not about what’s on the outside its the inside that counts. I’m lucky enough to have my health. So I threw myself into charity work. My human knows someone called Mummy Marbella from TV series Life On Marbs, and she did a campaign called Bantsinyourpants where everyone celebrated their bodies by posting pictures of themselves in their undies to raise money for the fur-bulous charity Macmillan . It’s all about loving your body, warts and all. I was really nervous doing it, but it was very liberating. Bantsinyourpants has raised over £16,000. That’s a lot of bones! Check out the Facebook page, and please donate! https://www.justgiving.com/bantsinyourpants
I’ve also been in season again. It’s the WORST. I didn’t want to ruin my new basket so I put these Doggy diapers on, but they are Grim (with a capital G).
When you are in season you literally pop to the park for a quick wee and you have a load of randoms trying to jump you, whatever state you are in – dog breath and all. I tried to mask the ‘come and jump me’ perfume was naturally creating with this stuff. 
Those of you who know me know I am a budding entrepreneur. Anyway I have been trying to recreate the ‘jump on me’ smell for humans. My auntie Mandy could spray it on a hottie she fancies rather than trawling through dating websites, but when she meets the guy he’s 20 years older and 20 stone fatter than his pictures. I call that fraud.
So FAME has knocked on my kennel door. Oh yes! My human knows Lorraine Bowen who was on Britain’s Got Talent last year. She released a Christmas song called Christmas Crumble https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=-oG5DIqv_vg, and guess who is in it!!! Oh yes, it is me. Twice I’ll have you know. I don’t mind telling you that offers are pouring in thick and fast. I’m currently considering a part in The Woof of Wall Street – starring Leonardog Di Crap-rio, Star Walks, in which I’d be a Storm Pooper, and this would have a cameo from the legend Christopher Walkies, and Raiders of the Lost Bark. Hollywood here I come!
And finally, I won first prize at a dog show. None other than Matt from TV show House Of Hugo – which tells tails about a doggy hotel – gave me my medal and cup. I’d love to say it was for best behaviour, but it was actually for naughtiest dog. I was fuming as my human grassed me up about shredding the sofa that time with my step-sister Lily. What a wrong ‘un. The only thing a grass is good for is doing a whoopsie on.
Must go, I need to learn my lines for my auditions. If you would like my clawtograph just let me know 🐾
RIP DB – 1947-2016
Go With The Flo... 